This month, I am thrilled to introduce three writers who are associated with the local charity called “I Choose Freedom” https://www.ichoosefreedom.co.uk/
I Choose Freedom is a small yet compassionate charity that is dedicated to helping women and children who must flee their abusive domestic environments.
This month’s feature aims to raise awareness of domestic abuse. Therefore, I will share the unique personal experience written by two domestic abuse survivors and one staff member of the charity. There is still much to be done societally concerning the effects of domestic abuse and the complex nuance of this human experience. However, I would like to celebrate “I Choose Freedom” who works tirelessly to make long-lasting changes for the families it serves.
It was an honour to provide therapeutic support to the families residing in the temporary refuge during my training, and I look forward to working with them again soon. This feature considers the healing effect of creativity through writing from personal experiences of relational trauma.
It is a privilege to welcome two guest writers who bravely share their difficult personal experiences of domestic abuse through writing and artmaking. Sharing written personal stories or orally sharing fictional stories for others to witness can be part of a powerful toolkit for emotional and physical healing for survivors of domestic abuse.
The first writer shares her own authentic experience of domestic abuse in her own unique words. Some problematic and upsetting themes emerge during this article and may affect you emotionally as the reader. Themes of migration, marginalization, and severe domestic abuse may cause some readers distress, so please consider this as a content warning and is not suitable for children.
My story
My name is Leeane*. I lived for six months in a domestic violence shelter. “I chose freedom.” At first, I came to the United Kingdom to live with my husband. I left my job in my home country, where I was working as a journalist. I came to the United Kingdom to start a family and live happily in the country that I had always dreamed of living in. I was subjected to the worst types of treatment and violence at the hands of my husband. Things developed until I suffered a severe nervous breakdown and severe bleeding in the uterus. I was rescued by paramedics, and they took me to the hospital. Upon my arrival, the paramedic told the police about the situation in which she found me inside my husband’s house. I was very afraid and did not know where I would end up. I cried for a long time, day and night, without stopping. The doctor supervising my case reassured me and told me that tomorrow, an employee whose job is to help women in a similar situation to me would visit me. The woman visited me the next day in the presence of police officers. They asked me a few questions, and the policeman reassured me and told me, “There is no need to be afraid; you are under the protection of the United Kingdom.”
I rested a little and was able to sleep peacefully that night after my health improved and the bleeding stopped. Ten days passed, and I was in the hospital. On the morning of the tenth day, a doctor came and told me that I had to go to a secret and very safe place and they would help me.
The doctor ordered a taxi for me and told them to take me to a place I did not know. After a two-hour trip, we arrived at the place Mrs J received me. I have never forgotten the kindness of her heart. That day, she embraced me and relieved the anxiety and fear that I was experiencing. I arrived in a very bad condition. My eyes were red from crying a lot, and my face was yellow. From the horror, my pain and fear subsided. When we arrived home, I felt relatively comfortable.
Mrs J took me to my room. It was beautiful and warm. The “I Choose Freedom” organization provided me with food, clothes, and all toiletries, as well as chocolate and everything related to the kitchen, including tools and cards to buy food and clothes and some money weekly to buy food, clothes, and supplies. I was very happy. I felt lucky to have them by my side at the worst stage in my life. I was on the verge of homelessness. I thought carefully about what I would have done if they hadn’t helped me. After a long period of depression, Mrs. J helped me to attend counselling to overcome the shock of what happened to me. I felt like I was among my family, especially in the presence of other families that lived with me in the shelter. I made some friends. My loneliness began to fade. We had a lot of things to do, such as drawing workshops and artistic handicrafts, that healed my soul. In addition to beautiful trips from time to time. I found financial and psychological support, as well as legal advice, in addition to obtaining a residence card. I cannot ever forget the gifts we got on holidays and occasions. I never needed anything. I had appointments every week with the lawyer supervising my case; Mrs J would tell me about all the stages with the help of a translator.
My joy was very great when Mrs J told me that she would help me register in college to study. I was very happy. I almost flew with joy.
I felt that I was with my family and friends. I received support during the worst days of my life. The support continued until after six months. I always communicate with the organization’s staff and get continuous support and advice. I was assigned another support worker Miss G.
Six months passed and I obtained housing outside the shelter and began studying at the college. I became stronger and relied on myself thanks to the support I received. To this day, I feel grateful for everything I have received. Even regarding my case with the police regarding the violence that happened to me, the organization supports me. Recently, my husband went and filed for divorce in my home country. I had to be there to defend myself and explain what happened. Miss G stood by me in all stages of my travel, supported me, checked on me throughout my trip, and contacted my lawyer to ensure I was safe and protected inside and outside the session; thankfully, the session took place peacefully. She was worried about me all the time, constantly asking about me. It was not just an organization to protect women from violence and injustice but a real family, with all thanks and gratitude.
The second writer and survivor of domestic abuse shares her story and her canvas of birds flying over a tree.
Life in refuge
My life was so unpredictable before moving to the refuge. When I gave birth to my newborn son, I had to stay in the hospital for five days. It is difficult when your husband leaves you in despair. What should I have done? It was a storm of emotions within me. I was crying with the pain of betrayal and cherishing the moment of being a new mom. But honestly, I didn’t thoroughly enjoy those precious moments. I welcomed my son with open arms, as he was also a survivor of emotional abuse throughout my pregnancy.
Anyhow, I got discharged from the hospital to one of my community uncle’s homes. He cherished me and my 4-day-old son with all his heart, playing the role of a father. He treated me like his real daughter. I stayed at his place for a month. His love and hospitality were so good and healing, but I was suffering emotionally; I needed a place where I could heal. I was also so fearful that my husband would find me somehow, even though he didn’t know about my uncle. When I finally opened up about my fears and worries, my social worker referred me to the refuge.
I had never thought about refuge; I had never heard about it. It was a place where other domestic abuse victims were living, just like me. The women who were suffering from different types of abuse. When I moved to the refuge, all the staff members welcomed me and my 1-month-old son. At that moment, I realized that kindness and goodness still existed. They all were so kind, so gentle and understanding. They sweetly talked to us, holding us with grace. I was thinking, how can a person be so lovely? Coming from that abusive environment, it felt like heaven to me. The refuge was an opportunity for us to grow.
That place was the beginning of a new life, new hope, and new people. When I was in refuge, I found myself. I explored and learned many things. I was able to tap into my creativity, draw, and paint to express myself and heal through art. Refuge spotted my artistic nature and routinely provided me with materials to be creative.
In refuge, you live your life according to your standard without fear and doubt. There were many different activities for us and our kids, outings, and constant reasons for celebration. It felt like we were in safe hands, living like a family. We were from different backgrounds, cultures, and religions but united under one roof. That place taught us the real meaning of unity. We learned to respect each other’s feelings and faiths and to be patient.
On the other hand, we faced daily life challenges, but they were nothing compared to the real significant issues. Our DARAs were helpful, encouraging us to chase our dreams, helping us heal from the painful past, and ready to listen to our heartbreak stories. Well, I would like to say I learned a lot here. I found myself and discovered the real meaning of life and how to live it joyfully.
I wish and pray for those who are suffering from the heartbreak. May Allah/God grant them ease in their pain, and they also find comfort in their life.
Today’s final writer is a staff member with years of experience working as a therapist for “I Choose Freedom”. She reflects on the creative process through her lens of working with survivors of domestic abuse.
The Importance of Creative Art Therapy for clients fleeing Domestic Abuse living in Refuge.
Women and children who are fleeing domestic abuse and living in refuge will have experienced trauma in some form or another. Reliving trauma can be complicated for our clients, especially when they may be experiencing nightmares or flashbacks. Art Therapy can be a way of starting the healing journey without having to verbalize what has happened. Trauma is stored in the body, so clients may find it challenging to put their thoughts and feelings into words. Therefore, the ability for creative self-expression helps support their healing.
It provides a safe outlet to explore their experiences, bringing them to Refuge. By drawing a place where they feel safe or a quote that has strong meaning or is visually inspiring to creating calming collages and sculpting in clay, these can all have a powerful connection to their unconscious. By creating, our clients can let themselves go to be free, with no judgment. The process of carrying out the art and not the product itself supports the healing journey.
With the guidance of a trained therapist, the client is supported to unlock and process their trauma or anxiety, depression, etc. The abuser will have worked away at the client’s self-worth, so they do not know who they are anymore. Through Art Therapy, the client can work towards a stronger sense of self and a brighter tomorrow.
Seasonal reflection
Thank you so much for taking the time to share your experiences in your own words. December can be a time for reflection for many people for many reasons. The media spoon-feeds us ideas of what the season should be like, but the season, whether you celebrate Christmas or not, can bring untold stress to people with or without families. I was particularly moved by the efforts of staff at ‘I Choose Freedom’ a few years ago, the staff bring joy to the families they serve over the festive period while in temporary accommodation.
Unfortunately, for many domestic abuse victims, the Christmas holidays bring fear and unpredictability as they attempt to keep their perpetrators happy. This year, ‘I Choose Freedom’ is asking supporters to make survivors’ wishes come true by giving them the wonderful festive season they deserve. Please follow the link below if you can donate a present from the charity’s Christmas Wishlist.
https://www.ichoosefreedom.co.uk/news/all-i-want-for-christmas
*The writers’ identities have been protected, and pseudonyms have been used.